22 Sep Farthest Shores

As long as Paula and I have been married, there hasn’t been a chance for us to slow down.

Not to say that is a bad thing, of course; it’s just that after seven years of work, school and taking care of aging parents, we really, really needed a vacation.

Our life revolves around our kids; everything we do has been so they can have a better life themselves.  And I think it’s important that children get to see the world and experience new things.

I’m not saying this to justify that what we did was all right by any means, just stating facts that will make sense as I tell you about our first and, ultimately, last family vacation.

If for nothing else, when I remind myself of our good intentions, it keeps me sane.  Because without that, without family, I’m not really sure what we have worked for.

* * * * * *

We’d been planning the trip for three years, and with a little help from Paula’s dad we finally got a chance to go this last spring.  The destination was a private cottage right on the capes of Finland’s countryside, a remote and relaxing getaway for all of us to enjoy.

When people asked me why Finland, I didn’t want to admit it was because our budget was tight. We looked into a lot of options and saved up everything we could.  There were other things available, of course, but we had promised the girls we were going to show them a world and the year we finally booked it, things seemed to just fall into place.

Paula had gotten a raise, her dad’s health was improving, and flights across the Atlantic were not nearly as staggering.  The planets had all seemingly aligned just for this trip to happen, so there wasn’t any reason to make an objection.

We waited until spring break so that Madeline and Jesse wouldn’t have to miss school and used what little of our tax return was left over to get passports for all of us.  As the days counted down, I spent time getting the girls excited, showing them pictures online of the beaches, the beautiful rolling hills, the sights and sounds we would see.

“Are there horses?” Madeline asked as we started to pack.

“Honey, we aren’t traveling halfway across the world just so you can pet horses,” I teased her.

“I don’t wanna pet one … I want to ride one!” she said excitedly.

“Shouldn’t you wait until your birthday?” I asked her.

“You said that last year,” Maddy whined.

I couldn’t fault her there.  So that evening, as they settled down, I looked into different activities the kids could do while we were at the cottage.

Naturally, the vacation was remote, but a quick check of Google told me a village stood nearby, and maybe they would have different ways of keeping a nine and six-year-old entertained.

“How much should we take for spending?” I asked my partner once I shut down the computer.

“It’s not recommended to carry a lot of cash, so I’m just going to use our credit cards … I figure they are good anywhere,” she told me, yawning as she took the laptop and started her own research.

“Horse riding?  Did Madeline use puppy dog eyes?” she teased as she saw my search history.

“Her grades have improved, and besides, it’s a vacation.  I’m sure if one of us is with her, it will be fine,” I said defensively.

“Fine.  Just as long as Jesse doesn’t feel left out, I guess,” she said as she finished up the last bit of work from her job.  “And now we are officially on vacation,” she said excitedly.  We held each other close, and I smiled in anticipation.  I couldn’t imagine worrying about anything for the next ten days.

But my worries had only just begun.

* * * * * *

Crossing the Atlantic was just as breathtaking as I had imagined it, seeing the Florida coast fade away and everything replaced with pure blue.  The kids were just as in awe as us, peering out the window of our flight and guessing how big or deep the ocean really was.

Once the initial spectacle had died down, I kept the girls busy with in-flight movies and books, doing a few crosswords and light reading myself.

This probably sounds somewhat foolish, but before arriving at Finland, I didn’t really know much about the country or the culture.  All my partner had told me was that it was another scenic European country, and it was good enough for me.

So, during that long flight, I looked into the rich history of Finnish life, the types of food we could try they were famous for, and a few of the local legends.  Things like this have always fascinated me since I was little, perhaps because my imagination was a bit overactive, but when I read about the trolls, the will o’ wisps and the goblins, it must made me feel a part of that culture.

One story in particular I thought Maddy might find interesting was of the Nakki, a water spirit that took the shape of a horse.  Some stories made them as benevolent guardians, and others treated them as malicious tricksters, but most stories always ended the same: seeing a Nakki was considered a life-changing experience for good or bad.

Finally, my eyes grew weary, and I shut down the laptop to rest, my dreams filled with the shapeshifting Nakki as it rode across the Finnish coast.

Rain woke me as our flight shook and descended into a rolling fog.  The clouds were so thick that it was nearly impossible to see what was below us, but I was still relieved that we had arrived safely.

Waking the kids and my Paula, we stretched, grabbed our bags and left the Helsinki airport at around seven that morning.  It was strange departing this foreign country at the same time we had left home.

“Did we time travel?” Jesse asked as we grabbed a bus to take us out of the city.

“No, sweetie, it’s just time zones … remember when we visited grandma at Christmas?” I told her.  She nodded in understanding and didn’t ask any more questions, but I wondered if she really understood.

“What matters is that for the next ten days, we don’t need to keep track of time,” Paula told them.

That made them both erupt with joy.

* * * * * *

Those cries of joy fell on deaf ears as we continued to drive toward the Finnish coast, and then our transport came to a halt only a few hours from the port.

“Something wrong?” I asked.  I stood up along with a half dozen other vacationers to see what was the cause for our delay and saw a group of European police setting up a blockade.

“Must be an accident,” Paula said as she ruffled Jesse’s hair and stepped off the bus to investigate.  I peered out the foggy window and watched as Paula and a few other passengers talked to the police.  If I was worried that things were bad, seeing the angry, animated movements of Paula told me that it was all about to get much worse.

In another minute, she stormed back onto the bus wearing a sour face.  “All roads to the coast have been closed.  They won’t say why, and they won’t say for how long … just that we will be compensated and that we are to head back toward Helsinki,” she told me.

My heart dropped.

“They can’t just do that!  Has there been a chemical spill or something?  The skies are clear!” I sputtered.  Other passengers were also getting visibly upset as they were told what was going on.

But it was clear that the European police weren’t budging, and that only made everything more frustrating.

“We should probably just head back … I’m sure we can maybe arrange to get a cottage somewhere else,” Paula suggested.

The girls cried.  They didn’t stop all the way back.  And I joined them for a little while.  This wasn’t fair.

* * * * * *

Paula’s perusal of hotels and AirBnB online rendered few results.  The issues that were happening here in Helsinki were apparently being mirrored up and down the coast of the Baltic.

“I’m sorry,”  she told me in defeat after spending nearly six hours trying to find a better deal.  And the cottage we had booked also wasn’t responding to any inquiry for a refund.

In short, we were stuck here without anything to do in a crappy hotel that the local government was offering to all travelers.

The news didn’t tell us much more about what was happening.  There was a storm brewing off the east Baltic, but nothing big enough to warrant this kind of caution.

“I’m gonna go see if this hotel has a bar,” I told Paula as the kids settled down for the night. Their disappointment was probably the hardest thing to endure.  This was meant for them to experience the world, not be trapped in a 2-star Finnish Motel 6 watching cartoons they couldn’t even translate.

Down at the bar, I ordered the fanciest drink I could with my Google Translate and started to down shots to push my bad mood away.

“Bloody hell, what’s gotten you in a sour mood, lad?” the bartender asked as he offered my sixth shot.  “Lovers spat?”

“The coast …” I began as I struggled to down another strong sip of the whiskey.

“Ah, say no more.  They do this every year.  To me, it feels like a tourist trap,” he said with a chuckle.

“They close all of the coasts?  For how long?” I asked in shock.

“Not all of them, of course.  Lots of fishermen still have secret routes to go down there.  They say it’s for some endangered species to mate and doesn’t normally last longer than a week.  I guess this year must be the exception cause I don’t normally ever hear reports on the news,” he said with a shrug.

“They just do that without even warning anybody?  That sure is a damn con!  We paid thousands to come here!  Why don’t they just cancel all travel plans?” I asked him, slamming my drink down.

“Beats me, my guy.  Sometimes it’s not always this way … must be something weird afoot,” he responded.

“All I wanted to do is build sand castles with my children … see the bluffs and experience Europe!”

I didn’t realize how pathetic I probably sounded then, but I was upset and not thinking clearly.  I was probably just another spoiled American that he had seen a thousand times.

But for some reason, he felt sympathetic to my plight and commented, “Maybe there is a way … but it’s not necessarily legal …”

My ears perked up.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Like I said, I got some buddies of mine that go down there this time of year for the catch.  They should be headed down there tomorrow morning through one of their off-limit roads.  I’m talking dirt trails and mud, places that only pirates and thieves go,” he told me.

“How long does that trip take?” I asked.

“Listen, you don’t want to ride those roads.  Besides, if you get caught, you could face serious jail time,” he said.

“If it’s dangerous, we’ll leave right away,” I promised.

A few drinks later, he gave me a name, and I thought we had our ticket to the vacation we actually came here for.

But Paula wasn’t hearing a word of it.

“I know this means a lot to you.  But I don’t want to risk it,” she said.

“Where’s your sense of adventure?  Isn’t this what we came here for?” I asked her.

But she wouldn’t budge.

“Fine.  Fine, I’ll just take the girls on a tour of the city tomorrow.  And you can sit in this hotel room blubbering like a coward!” I shouted at her.

“You’re drunk.  You need some rest,” she told me.

“It’s a vacation!  We’re supposed to be having fun!” I snapped.

I thought she was just trying to get me more upset than I already was, but instead, she resigned from the argument and said she was getting some rest.

I spent the rest of the night dreaming about the beaches I would never get to see and thinking of how I could get down there without Paula worrying.

As much as I hated to do it, I knew lying was the only way.

The next morning, I did just as I said and took Maddi and Jesse with me for a tour of the scenic spots in Helsinki.  I told Paula I wouldn’t bring up the idea of traveling to the quarantined coast, and for the most part, that was the truth.  I certainly didn’t tell her I planned to go, and when we did make it to the spot where I was told I could catch a ride, I told the girls we were going on a secret mission.

I know I was irresponsible and a poor father, and maybe that’s why I even pen these words … because someone has to know what happened that morning on the coastline.

The driver that picked us up was named Monty, an Irishman who had lived in Helsinki for most of his adult life.  Owned a boat that went out three times a year on the Baltic.  He seemed like a good person, but he also admitted he had never attempted to go to the beaches when they closed them.

“Just seemed like a bad idea … but then I started losing money, and my competitors were just jeering at me, saying I was pathetic for being scared of a few wild horses,” he said as we drove down the first country road.

Madeline jumped up excitedly.  “Did you say horses??” she asked.

“Oh, aye.  A few of them ride down the coast every single time they quarantine the area.  I figure they must be endangered or something,” he said as we turned a sharp curb, and the city faded away.  Nothing could be seen except steep rock and uneven roads.  The car we drove in buckled and bumped as the girls giggled, and I wondered if the bartender’s speculation also had to do with these horses.

“Nearly there,” the driver said, focusing on the road.  There were even a few times I thought we would flip over, and I held my girls right as they laughed louder and louder.

Then we settled near the edge of the hills, and the Irishman announced, “This is where ya get off.  Enjoy.  I’ll be back in about an hour.”

I stepped out of his car and peered toward the long stretch of beach, marveling at the smells of the sand and sea.  It was better than I ever dreamed it could be.

“Dad, can we go play?” Jesse asked.

I nodded and told them to take their shoes off, watching as they dashed toward the tide and ran back and forth between the waves and the sand.

Hearing them laugh and seeing them enjoy the quiet isolation made me almost forget Paula’s worry.

I snapped a few pictures and considered sending them to her.  But then, instead of rubbing it in, my plan was to share it at the hotel and convince her to come with us.

“We aren’t breaking any rules.  Just enjoying all this place had to offer us,” I said to myself as I took off my own sandals and felt the squishy sand get in between my toes.  What reason could they have for keeping this from us?

From the distance, I heard the sound of a horse’s whinny, and I turned toward the west side of the beach, thinking I would see the few horses that the fisherman had spoken of.

When I looked, I actually saw hundreds.  They were galloping across the beach, riding in between the waves and the coast as though on a race.  It was majestic and beautiful to see.

I raised my camera to get a better look and then saw something that turned this awe-inspiring moment into a nightmare.

Madeline.  She was running toward the horses.

“No, honey!  Maddi, stop!” I yelled.  The horses were going faster, their nostrils flaring and their manes whipping against the waves.

But she didn’t listen to me; she kept going straight toward those wild animals.

I imagined a thousand dangerous scenarios where the creatures would trample her to death, yet to my amazement, they went around her.  Weaving about gracefully the way a swan would on water.  These beautiful pale steeds just split themselves and viewed her as part of their herd.  It was breathtaking, but still, I didn’t stop tensing up until I saw Maddie was safe.

“You could have gotten hurt!” I chided her as I ran to her side and turned to see where the horses had gone.  Mysteriously, the herd was nowhere in sight.

“I just wanted to pet them!” she whined as the storm began to crash against the sea.

“Don’t ever do that again!” I warned as I grabbed her hand and started back toward the grassy knolls.  The hour was nearly up.  And it felt strange to imagine that the horses had come and gone so quickly … had they dashed into the open water?

As the Irishman returned, my thoughts drifted to the Nakki, the strange legend of the shapeshifting stallions that lured children to their doom.  Yet the horses Maddi had seen had ignored her, proving to be no threat.  Could these amazing water horses be the reason the coast had been closed off?

I needed to know more.

“How was the beach?  Sorry you couldn’t stay longer … ‘tis risky with all of the government about,” the fisherman said as we drove up together back to Helsinki.

“It was definitely unforgettable…” I commented.

“We saw horses!” Maddi exclaimed.

“They looked like monsters,” Jesse said fearfully.

“Don’t be crazy, you’re mad ‘cause you didn’t see puffins,” Maddi shouted to her sister.

“Both of you settle down.  We don’t really know what it is we saw,” I told them both.

And I also had no idea what I was going to do if Paula found out.  The beach had been harmless, so ahe had no reason to berate me… still, I knew sneaking out to the bluffs wouldn’t work a second time.

I needed to convince her to go, too.

* * * * * *

I fretted over it the rest of the day as Paula made a few arrangements to try and explore the rest of Finland with a guide.  But my mind still focused on that storm, the horses and the impossibility of it all.  I needed answers to all of it.

“We’re gonna go to a museum and an art show tomorrow,” she announced.  Jesse seemed thrilled.  But Maddi screamed bloody murder.

“No!!!!  No, no, no, no, no!  I want to stay and ride the horses!!”

Paula looked at me curiously, and I said, “I took her by some stables … nothing too serious.  I kinda promised we could go ride tomorrow.”

Another lie.  I was getting too casual with this elaborate story.

“You had the chance to explore all of the capital, and you just went to one horse stable?” she asked, glancing at the sandals we all wore and seeing the bits of sand.

“Is there something you aren’t telling me?” Paula asked.

“Fine.  Yes, we went to the coast.  But it was miraculous!  Like touching the face of Mother Nature herself!” I said excitedly as I went to get my camera and show the pictures we took.

“We saw these amazing horses, like a breed I had never seen before,” I told my Paula.  She started to flick through the pictures, visibly upset that I had disobeyed her wishes but not showing it in front of the kids.

“I don’t see any horses … just a bunch of sand,” she muttered.

She passed it back to me, and Madeline also seemed puzzled by the discovery.  Sure enough, the photos didn’t show any signs of the strange glamourous horses.  “But they were there … we know what we saw,” I said softly.

“You shouldn’t have even been there in the first place!  Something terrible could have happened!” Paula said irritably.

“But it didn’t!  And we had a great time!  Oh, I wish you had been there!  The waves were amazing, and the sea smelled of lilac…” I paused, still unsure how the horses hadn’t shown on the phone.

“They might be a new species … they were crashing straight into the waves … what if the camera can’t capture them!” I said as I remembered something else that could spur her to action.  “Think of it, Paula, we could be the first ones in history to actually prove a legend is real!” I said excitedly.

She went to our room while the kids settled in for the night and muttered, “If those stallions exist, then you shouldn’t have had our kids down there!  Why didn’t you listen?”

“Because I didn’t come here just to have all our dreams pushed aside!” I growled back.  I was tired of her treating me like I was the kid in the relationship.

“We’ve worked too hard for something like this!  We deserve this!” I told her.

She sighed, knowing that persuading me would take a lot longer than giving in.  I knew which option she would pick, the path of least resistance.

“We’ll go down in the morning … but I’m worried.  This isn’t like you, and I don’t want it to go too far!” she said once we were completely alone.

I shook my head, wishing she understood.  “I’m sorry … I know what you are saying … I’m sorry.  I just want this vacation to be worthwhile,” I told her as we just cuddled to one another.

I didn’t know then how right she was to show cause for concern.

* * * * * *

The next morning started off the same; we got the girls dressed and ready for a day at the beach and ate omelets, watching locals perform a puppet show outside the hotel.  It was an epic performance about children who didn’t listen to their parents, showing how dangerous things can happen when you stray far from home.

For some reason, as we traveled down that secluded and obstructed road, the play kept running through my mind.

I knew my behavior since our arrival here in this beautiful country had been childish and selfish. I knew that being disobedient was a bad example for my children.  Yet it still felt like something was calling me to the coast.  Lulling me into a false sense of security.

“Maybe we should turn around,” I said as the storm clouds grew closer.

“What about the horses?” Madeline whined.

“You’re the one that’s been so insistent about this,” Paula remarked.  “Might as well get it over with.”

I hoped the bad feeling I was getting in the pit of my stomach would pass.  The fisherman told us he would return this time in two hours to take us back to the hotel, but much like before, the beach was empty.  There weren’t even footprints in the sand to show where the girls had been.

It almost felt like the beach had reset.  It was perplexing but not unnerving, so as they dashed across the shores again, I settled down and tried to calm my nerves.

“I don’t understand you at all.  You bother me for days to get down here and when we do, all you can do is shake like a leaf!” Paula chided.

She was chattering away about how beautiful the beach truly was, but I wasn’t listening.  I was watching Maddi and Jesse, making sure they didn’t get too close to the waves.

“Let’s go for a dip,” Paula said, grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the water.

I figured it best to let my inhibitions go.  After all, wasn’t this what I wanted in the first place?  I set my toes into the cold water and laughed nervously.  It did feel good.

Then, a crack of lightning made my hair stand on edge, and I looked toward the girls, worried that they might get struck.

As I looked toward them, something shimmered from the waves.  It was a gentle fluctuation at first, weaving its way toward the surface.  And then, all at once, a group of majestic stallions burst from the water toward the girls.  Madeline squealed in delight, but Jesse only screamed.

This time, I saw the horses for what they truly were.  Their form was neither solid nor liquid but an amorphous blob of the two combined, twisting and stampeding toward our daughters with no regard.  Just as before, the amazing beasts ignored Maddi, but somehow, I could tell the end would not be the same sigh of relief I had before.

“Madeline!  Don’t move!!” Paula said excitedly.

“Paula … Paula, tell me what you see.  What do they look like to you?” I asked as we moved toward them.

The horses flare their nostrils, rearing back and storming towards us.  The dangerous lightning grew stronger as we tried to reach out.  But it was too late.  Maybe it had always been.

Maddi reached out and grabbed ahold of one of them, suddenly being pushed into the water like a bit of seaweed caught on a propeller.

Jesse suffered a far worse fate, the herd smashing her down and into the water like the sand they were racing upon.  Paula and I watched in horror as our child’s face and body were trampled, her lungs filled with water, and then the horses dashed into the Baltic once more. Paula desperately tried to follow, and I screamed.  I doubt she even heard.

Soon, the waves swallowed her whole as well.

I reached for her hand, and nothing was there except the sand.

In my desperation, I ran toward Jesse and tried to resuscitate her.  But it was too late.  The creature’s hooves had smashed in her face and chest, and what damage they hadn’t done, the water had.  I slumped into the sand and clung to her body as the tide kept hitting me over and over.

By the time the fisherman had returned, Paula and Madeline’s bodies had washed back ashore as well, and the storm had lifted.

“By the powers.  What in the Devil happened here?”

I looked at my family.  I thought of the foolishness I had displayed that brought them here.  A trap to punish my selfishness, a taunt from evil itself.

“That’s exactly what happened,” I said weakly.

“The Devil was here.”