“The Cadaver Transporter”

“I loved Michael. I know in his own way, he loved me. He didn’t do it, you know—kill me. I know he loved me enough to take on my daughter, Mallory, and raise her as his own after I passed. He’s a good man, not the killer they’re trying to paint him.”

Jake glanced over to the empty passenger seat again. Yep, empty. Why am I thinking about her or hearing her voice? Is this from listening to all the damned news? Was it inside my head this deep? Jake struggled internally. “Get out of my head, lady!” He hollered as he glimpsed back at the covered coffin. “I don’t need this shit, my plate’s already full.”

“You hear me because I need someone to talk to—seventeen years of being silent….”

Jake shook his head as if he could erase the voice he heard. Am I going crazy? He asked himself.

The sound of a woman’s laugh could be heard. “Crazy? Try being cooped up in a box of silence for almost two decades….”

“I’m supposed to believe I’m hearing your voice from the coffin?” Jake laughed hesitantly.

“What other choice do you have? Unless you’d rather think you are truly losing your mind?”

Jake’s thoughts were rattled. So, now I’m supposed to believe I’m talking to a corpse…he guffawed…the driving and lack of sleep must be getting to me….

“Either you are talking to a corpse—or you are asleep and driving,” she giggled.

“So, you can read my thoughts?” Jake asked aloud.

“An old dead lady has more powers than you’d expect, I reckon….” she replied. “Do you mind if I sit up there with you? It’s been lonely in here.”

Jake looked over again to the still empty seat. “Do I have a choice?”

“I’m giving you one, Jake.”

“You’ll have to forgive me ma’am—I’m not used to conversing with someone who’s been dead for seventeen years. I guess I don’t exactly know the proper protocol…I… uh…I guess…I…do have…um…have…a question….”

“No, Jake, I won’t appear in my mummified state—I don’t want you to crash and kill me again—now that I’ve somewhat broken free.”

The interior of the GMC became deathly silent as he attempted to coyly check his rearview mirror to see if the casket was still covered by a sheet. He felt a small bit of relief that maybe she could possibly make herself appear differently than she surely appeared within that damned box.

“Are you expecting to see the lid open, Jake?” There was that light, raspy laugh again. His eyes shot back down to the road ahead.

“Is this satisfactory for your eyes to look at,” she quietly asked?

His eyes slowly turned to the passenger seat, praying he was imagining all of this. As he slowly turned and squinted through have open eyes… the seat was no longer vacant. “Son-of-a-bitch…”  The apparition…or…ghost…or…. well, appears to be alive and normal. Beautiful in many aspects. She looks to be in her late thirties. He rationalized to himself. He quickly looked back to the road.  Jake immediately followed with questions, “Is this…who you were…when…” He cleared his throat. “…when it happened? And can they….”

The female voice giggled quietly, this time sounding less raspy. “No, Jake, your escorts nor anyone else can see me—only you. More of an old dead lady’s magic, I suppose.”

“So, what do I call you? Mrs. Cameron, or…?” Jake asked.

“Oh, Jake—we have a lot of miles to share together…we don’t need to be so formal, do we? Just call me Kaitlin. That’s the name I miss hearing aloud—”

Jake heard sniffles and started to turn to look at the ghost of Kaitlin in the passenger seat, but his radio suddenly went off. It scared the shit out of him, making him jump.

“Come in, Jake—what in hell is going on up there? You’re bouncing between the sideline and centerline like the steel ball hittin’ bumpers in a pinball machine…you need a break? Come back….”

“Uh, yeah…I… I may need to think about getting some coffee and a restroom break, come back….”

Jake turned to Kaitlin. “I’m not sure if I’m falling asleep and daydreaming you and this—or….”

“Oh, I’m here, Jake. I assure you. I’ve been forced to be quiet for a long time and I suddenly feel like a schoolgirl who’s been grounded for months to my room. But now suddenly I’ve been allowed in a room full of ‘chatty Cathy’s…I wanna talk, talk, talk!” Kaitlin looked at Jake as her smile changed to a tear appearing to attempt to peek its wetness from eyes that no longer contained any moisture. “I won’t go back yet…not to that cold and cramped box…” The sound of cries began but then were immediately cut off by her own words, “…It was made with beautiful white satin as if it would be a comfortable place to spend an eternity nestled into… but it isn’t…and I won’t go back…not yet and maybe never. I need to talk; I need to feel real again. I want to experience the softness of a touch…” Her hand began to reach toward the steering wheel where Jake’s hand grasped it tightly.

“I’m not going anywhere, Kaitlin, I’ll be back. It’s just a break and a chance for the escorts to make sure I’m good to drive. Believe it or not, you are a very protected…body—I’ll be back.”

Kaitlin’s hand withdrew before contacting Jake’s. “I’ll be with you, Jake. I’m not going back in the box, not yet. and I’m not letting you out of my presence.”

Jake felt a brief chill. He wasn’t certain if it were from her words or her near touch. But he felt it. “No one will…will see you though…right?”

“No one,” Kaitlin replied.

The GMC took the next exit and turned east towards the truck stop before rolling in and parking up front. Jake had been directed to always park within view of his vehicle and its cargo. The contents were very important to the Charleston, South Carolina DA and couldn’t be tainted in any way. While Jake wasn’t an extraordinary wheelman of any kind, he did listen and follow instruction well. He was dependable. He needed to complete this job and get paid.

Jake sat drinking his large coffee scanning through his phone as the two officers sat at the table directly behind him. Jake looked up from his plate of food and choked, coughing and spitting a bit of his sandwich out onto the table.

Kaitlin smiled as Jake’s eyes widened. Her sudden appearance seemed to have shocked him. “No Jake, they can’t see or hear me! Only you can. It’s okay, I promise. Just don’t verbalize your answers out loud or visually respond to me. Remember—I can hear your thoughts.

Jake felt very uneasy. Feeling as if she were on stage and out in the wide open made him very uncomfortable. He just knew everyone in the diner could see some form of oddity or guilt written across his face. Please, Kaitlin, just make it where I can’t see you. The officers are going to know something is up with me. I can’t afford to be removed from this job. I need the money, Kaitlin.

“I knew something was up with you. What kind of trouble are you in?” She replied.

Jake nodded his head in affirmation but attempted not to mentally explain. We can do this later, he thought internally as an attempt to explain himself. He lifted his cup of coffee and then gulped.

“Would you like a refill?” The waitress asked.

“I asked you not to talk!” Jake snapped out loud before realizing it was the waitress and not Kaitlin talking to him. He looked up. “I’m so sorry, ma’am. It’s been a long day of travel and a… fight with my wife on my phone just minutes ago; I didn’t mean to bark at you.”

She filled his cup and smiled. “It’s okay, sir. I hope your day improves.”

Bill, one of the officers who’d been riding in the escort vehicle, put his arm on the seatback and pulled himself around so he could see Jake after the waitress walked away. “What the fuck was that about? Are you okay?” He asked.

Jake turned slightly and answered, “I’m fine. Just give me a few more minutes to drink my cup of coffee down and I’ll be fine. Small tiff with the wife on the phone. I’ll get back to listening to some country music and be fine.” He laughed. “That fixes everything, you know.”

“Well, hang in there, sport. We’re stopping for the night in Gulfport.” Rick, the other officer, told him. “Just down the road a bit, not too far and we can close this little part of the journey off for the night.”

“Thank you, sir. Sounds perfect. I’m ready to go after a quick stop in the restroom.”

“Are you still here?” Jake asked as he backed out of the parking space, waiting for his escort to pull in behind him.  There was no immediate answer. He glanced into the rearview mirror toward the casket. I knew the pressure was getting to me…I’m going crazy…talking to dead people…he guffawed. Jake turned onto the highway ramp and tried to explain away the last hour of conversation he’d shared with someone deceased and buried in Texas soil for the last seventeen years. Why did I agree to this, he thought to himself?

“I’d say it was predestined.” Kaitlin spoke and then smiled.

Jake flinched in his seat. “I’m sorry to say, but I was almost hoping you’d decided to stay at the truck stop.”

“I have my limitations, Jake. I don’t know if that is even possible. I may be somewhat tied to the box…like a ball and chain is for a convict. I’m not alive and able to make all of my own choices…there seem to be…limitations….”

“I’m sorry. I’m not used to talking to people who aren’t…here in front of me…in the same relative form of…existence…in the flesh.” Jake’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, his forearms clenched with the frustration of his circumstance. “I… I don’t know what the hell…I’m sorry, that was a bit of a rude thing for me to say.”

Kaitlin’s hand moved slowly once more towards Jake’s. He felt the chill become colder the closer her hand moved to his. Will I be able to feel her skin? Will it be solid or a mist? These thoughts raced through his mind as he kept his eyes on the road ahead. He kept watch, though, from the corner of his eye on Kaitlin’s fingers as they drew closer. His heart raced, pounding deeper within and full of resounding booms. He also felt a queazy pulsating inside his stomach. His breaths became quicker, and his hearing seemed more intent to every sound around him. The white lane markers blurred from separate painted stripes into one continuous line as the GMC forged forward at highway speed into the beginning sunset of the evening.

The top of his right hand suddenly became frigid cold, and his first reaction was to pull away quickly as one would after reaching deep into the icy water of an ice chest to grab a chilled and near-frozen beer. He fought that urge to jerk away though.

“Thank you, Jake….”

“Thank you?” Jake questioned.

“Yes, thank you. I appreciate you for talking to me, for letting me touch your hand and not pulling away. You’re the first living human I’ve touched since I died all those years ago. You could never understand what this moment means or feels like. Or what it’s like to be locked in a tight cold and dark, silent box underneath the earthen clay for seventeen years all alone. It may as well have been a thousand. I thought time would stand still forever with me trapped alone. I don’t understand why I didn’t pass to the next life. Maybe there isn’t one, after all?” She squeezed Jake’s hand as tight as she could without her fingers passing through his hand. “Oh my God, the silence I’ve endured….” She sighed. “You’ve been so kind and considerate. I thank you for being so compassionate to my…um…circumstances.”

“I can’t imagine, Kaitlin….”

“No, Jake, you can’t possibly. A thousand years goes by in more than a million. I know that doesn’t make sense; I would have called someone crazy if I were to hear them make such a ludicrous statement before… ‘living’ it myself.” She tried to snicker. “‘Living’ it myself. It sounds like such a silly faux pas, doesn’t it? It’s been anything but living, Jake. I feel like a criminal locked away from humanity for something horrible I’ve done. Only…I haven’t done anything to deserve this punishment I’ve been condemned to. I’m only guilty of possessing a body that gave out on me. An aneurysm. That’s what it was, Jake. It wasn’t Michael. Michael was sweet and caring with me. Me and my daughter.” She began to whimper. “My daughter…Mallory…oh how I long to see what she’s become…what she looks like, her likes and loves…her disappointments and her accomplishments…I’d give anything…” She sniffled. Her cold hand reached over again and grasped Jake’s. “I’d give everything….”

Jake glanced over to see Kaitlin’s sadness spread across her face. He noticed a distinct tiredness in her face and while he tried to understand what she was explaining, there was of course, no way to entirely comprehend her pain and anguish. He did, however, suddenly see a deep beauty within her…soul or self. Whatever one could call her. There was really no way to place a name on the entity that sat in the seat beside him. She was a shell, a beautiful shell of a life that ended without accomplishing the things she should have been allowed to see to their end. Watch her daughter grow into a woman, enjoy a grandchild, one more sunset or sunrise with a new love. He was able to begin feeling her pain and sorrows a little more clearly. She made him realize the importance of his family in this moment. She glanced over and their eyes met briefly before he needed to return his view back to the road in front of them. “Thank you, Kaitlin…” He spoke as his eyes remained straight ahead, never veering his glance as he continued, “…you’ve given me hope and I wish I could return it back to you ten-fold….”

She continued to watch his face, not turning away as he had needed to do. She watched the humanity within his demeanor, knowing she was indeed fortunate at this moment that her wheelman had ended up being Jake. He was an example of a strong virtuous human being, and she began to feel an odd bond. She wasn’t foolish enough to think the undead could bond with the living. But she felt his warmth briefly and it reminded her of the life she’d once been allowed. As she studied his face and body, she noticed his strong jawline. He was handsome. He was surely an outdoorsman, she could sense. Maybe it was his clothing or just a look he held within his eyes, but she felt he was strong in character and probably morality too. She wondered what kind of trouble he could possibly be in.

The radio went off again. Jake hadn’t noticed they were in fact only a few miles from Gulfport. He’d watched the gulf coastline appear and disappear on the passenger side of the vehicle as he drove and conversed with an oddly beautiful dead woman sitting in the passenger seat next to him. He was paying attention to driving without truly paying attention. He was surprised the radio hadn’t gone off sooner from more erratic driving as he reached and picked it up. “This is Jake, go ahead.”

“Jake—Rick here. The Marriott Courtyard is up ahead. We’re checking in there for the night. You got room 110A. Go ahead and check in at the desk, it’s under your name. You’re relieved of duty until eight a.m. tomorrow morning. We’ll meet for breakfast at that time in the restaurant near the lobby before heading out for day two. GMC stays parked in front of your room for the night. No troubles—right?”

“Yes sir, room 110A, eight a.m. in the morning and roger on the no rides, no trouble…out.”

There was brief silence in the cab of the GMC. Jake suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable. What about sleeping arrangements. Again, protocol of sharing a room with a dead woman was unknown. He wondered to himself, I wonder if there are two doubles or just where would Kaitlin….”

There was a giggle that came from the passenger side of the vehicle. Jake turned.

“What’s so funny?” he asked innocently.

“You are, Jake. Remember? I can read your mind! Already worrying about what this old lady has planned for you tonight?”

“Well, yes—you did say you weren’t going back into the box! I supposed that even meant for a night’s rest.”

“No, I’m not going back in there, not even for a night. If you’d like and would feel more comfortable, I could go sleep on the beach?” She was smiling when Jake glanced over to check her expression, which drew a similar smile across his lips.

“I’m not going to put you out on the street, ma’am!”

“Oh, ouch! There’s that formality again I thought we were past.”

“I’m sorry, Kaitlin. It was my shot at humor. I don’t fare too well with that after driving all day, I suppose. He winked at her.”

“You are a handsome man, Jake. Do you have a wife? Kids?”

“I thought you could read my mind?” He quizzed.

“Limitations, Jake. While I can do a lot, I do have those silly damned limitations…I guess there must be some subject matter I’m unable to pry into.”

“So, when are you going to fill me in on just what those limitations consist of?”

His statement drew a giggle from Kaitlin. “Never! I’d rather keep you guessing and on your toes. Besides, what fun would we have between us then?”

As the GMC pulled into the Courtyard, he looked for a parking place close to 110A, knowing Bill’s room would be next to it.

“I’ve got to go in and pick up the room key…don’t wander off, Kaitlin.” He smiled.

“I won’t—if you promise to go for a walk on the beach with an old dead lady….”

Jake winked at her as he shut the vehicle’s door, “You don’t really think I’d miss out on that do you. That’s always been on my bucket list!” He grinned at her. “We’ll scratch that one off together after I get us checked in!”

Bill was getting out of the impala that was parked next to Jake’s GMC. “Miss out on what…bucket list, after I get checked in,” he asked? “You got someone in there with you besides the cadaver or are you talking to it now?” Bill chortled and Rick snickered.

Jake looked over and pulled his cell phone away from his ear, “What’s that, guys? Just talking to the old lady….” He returned the smile.

Bill nodded and Jake snuck a look back to the window of his car and winked at Kaitlin. He then thought to himself, I couldn’t make this crazy shit up. Good Lord, I’m gonna need to see a damned good psychiatrist after this. He heard a woman’s loud laughter within the GMC’s compartment as he headed for the lobby door.

The moon wasn’t full but instead held a beautiful crescent shape lazily tipped back to the left. The wind lightly blew through their hair and the calm lap of the waves quietly slapped onto the grainy sandy shore. The atmosphere was calming and relaxing after a full day of driving.

“Kaitlin,” Jake asked in a tone that sounded as if it were leading into a serious question.

“Yes, Jake. And no is the answer to what you want to ask.”

“Kaitlin, let me ask the questions instead of just reading them through your extrasensory perceptions. Please. Remember…meaningful conversation only works when it’s between both of us!”

“Okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t do that anyway because I love hearing the sound of your voice.”

“Can you feel the wind blowing through your hair…or the feel of my skin when you touch my hand? Was your answer no to these questions?”

“Jake, I have to count on my memory for such things. Honestly, I can’t even hear your voice like you imagine I do. No, I can’t feel the wind on my face, or sadly the warmth or softness of your skin against what you see as my hand. All of those senses that you enjoy feeling—I have to rely on my memories of how they felt or sounded or even smelled back when I was also living.”

Jake’s face immediately dropped, and he watched the shallow water run over his feet as his bare toes sank into the beach they were walking. “That makes me sad, Kaitlin.” He noticed his footprints left in the soft sand.  He looked over to where Kaitlin was walking beside him and quickly spied that she left no imprints in the sand as her feet merely glided over the granules. He let out a sigh of grief. “It’s so easy for the living to take for granted the things we don’t even take the time to acknowledge. It’s depressing when it’s thrown back in one’s face.”

“It’s okay, Jake. I still get to enjoy being here with you. I’m getting to know someone I wouldn’t have known otherwise.” She reached over again to touch his hand and her coldness encased his soft skin. “And…I’m not lying alone in that satin-lined box beneath the earth’s frozen ground—and I’m thankful for that. I’m grateful that Michael is willing to pay a certain price to enable my temporary escape from that place….”

Jake glimpsed at Kaitlin questioning her statement. “What do you mean, ‘willing to pay a price’?”

“Oh, Jake—I already told you that Michael didn’t kill me…I never said he didn’t kill his wife.”

Suddenly the only sounds Jake could hear was the sound of the ocean and the wind blowing through sea oats along the shallow dunes. His deep breath eventually overtook those sounds temporarily.

“Are you shocked, Jake?”

“That’s like asking if I see the moon overhead. Of course, I do, and yes, I’m shocked.”

“Why, Jake?”

“Are you telling me that Michael killed his wife, but he didn’t kill you, even though the circumstances are almost identical between the two events? The news even states that his book he wrote, practically outlined the murders of the one you say never happened?”

“I don’t know that he killed his wife, Claire—I just know he didn’t kill me. I knew him as an honest and loving man, not a murderer. But I wouldn’t be here if the question of how his wife died wasn’t being brought to light. I’d still be lying entombed in that Godforsaken hell-filled box for the rest of eternity…” She sighed. “…but I’m not. I’ve escaped that place for now, and while not perfect, I’m back in the real-world walking down a beach holding the hand of a man who can see me…hear me…and appreciate me…” Another sigh bellowed out. “…even though I know it will only be a temporary moment in time.” She suddenly turned and drew herself even closer to Jake, clutching onto him and pulling herself tightly nestled in. He shivered instantly. “And I can’t even cry a single Goddamned tear, or feel the heat of your body and soul…” Her body suddenly heaved. “…it’s not fair! I just want my life back. I just want to feel something other than the cold and hollowness of death. I want to experience warmth and love so I can remember what it’s like…before…before…” She made the sound of crying, but tears failed to be shed. “…before I’m forced back into that satin-lined wooden box and buried again deep in the dark, cold Texas clay…forever….” Kaitlin’s head dropped, and she let go of Jake, wilting like a dried flower drifting to the sandy ground. “I know I’ll never get the chance to be let back out after they get their answers. I’ll be forgotten again.” She sniffed.

“Are you okay? I’m sorry, Kaitlin.” He knelt and put his hand on her shoulder and lightly squeezed. He remembered she’d just told him she couldn’t feel such a touch in the way he could. His hand grew colder before he leaned toward her ear and whispered, “Kaitlin, my wish is that you can remember how the light touch and squeeze on your shoulder feels from someone…a man…who is feeling something he didn’t ever expect to experience. If that makes sense.”

Her eyes lifted and even though she’d been crying with desperation, her face was totally dry with no visible evidence of what should be wet-soaked pain. “I appreciate that, Jake. I believe you and if I could, I would love you for it.”

The two lay together on the bed, lights dim in the room. Jake was much too wired to be able to close his eyes and fall asleep. He tried not to think thoughts like, my God, I’m lying beside a woman who’s been dead for seventeen years and I’m okay with it…

Kaitlin laid quietly near the edge of the bed trying not to be so close as to give Jake a chill. She also fought the urge to listen in on his internal thoughts. She attempted her best to give him space. She made a promise to herself to give him his privacy for the night.

Jake quietly weighed in on his own personal trials he was up against. His life compared to the circumstances of Kaitlin’s. When thinking of what she was facing in her future compared to what he faced, he began to put values in line with where he thought they should be. He was certainly not always a person of nobility in the way he’d conducted his life. He’d done things the best way he could to take care of his family. He’d made mistakes and recently borrowed money to try and parlay it into more, so he could get his family out of debt. The pressure of that mistake was bearing down on him. He had carefully kept his wife and little boy hidden from the type of people he’d dealt with. He knew they’d have no problem of killing him if he didn’t make good on his debt. They had made him aware of that fact. He’d made contingency plans of course. Life insurance in case they did make good on their promises. He’d almost accepted that outcome of dying. At least until he met Kaitlin. Now after seeing her break down from her personal hell, well, he was now scared of what afterlife he’d be dealt. The fear of dying he’d finally led himself to come to terms with, that he could handle. But the cold fabric lined box sunken into the earth for an eternity of silence and hollowness? This was a new mental challenge to overcome. He pictured his wife and little boy. He tried to picture their lives with him and without him. Weighing which would be the best for them. That decision would need to be made soon. Time was not on his side.

* * * * * *

Kaitlin quietly and very softly sat up and looked over at Jake’s face. She witnessed the liquid tears exiting his eyes along with sighs and a look of what she remembered as being fearfulness. The look on her face betrayed the fact she’d broken her personal promise of not intruding in on Jake’s personal and internal thoughts.

Kaitlin’s eyes obviously spoke of the pain she felt for Jake as she became aware of the struggles he was dealing with. She knew one thing after quietly observing Jake’s thoughts and fears of his family’s fate. That one thing was if she were still capable of owning her own heart and enjoying the feelings of such, that heart would be aching from being broken into pieces. The feelings she would be experiencing if capable, would overwhelmingly swallow the emptiness she’d been “living” the last seventeen years.

Jake’s eyes opened slowly, and he found himself staring into Kaitlin’s eyes. They looked differently at each other. Each both having weighed in on the other’s pain. They both looked at each other’s unspoken feelings and shared that imagined pain together in silence.

* * * * * *

Jake woke up early and quietly told Kaitlin he was going to breakfast, and that they would be leaving by eight-thirty a.m. sharp.

“Enjoy your breakfast, Jake.”

As he opened the door to the room he looked back, “I will, I wish you were able to remember how it tasted. I’m sorry. There is now a lot that I am aware of and sorry you are unable to enjoy. I want you to know, if it were possible… in a way that hadn’t been too…um…you know…” He fidgeted a second before continuing, “…I would have enjoyed making love to you last night. I feel that kind of closeness to you now. I know that sounds macabre and bizarre and I really don’t mean it to…I uh, I….”

“Shsssh. I know what you meant, Jake. You’ll never understand just how much that means to me. You’ve been a perfect gentleman and friend…and I wish you and your family the very, very best….” Kaitlin reached up to her neck and touched the gold chain around her neck. The key that had hung around her neck since even before her death. Security. She smiled as the thought flickered past.

“Hey now, you’re talking like we’re saying goodbye! We still have another day or day and a half together, plus the return…I’m sorry.” He shook his head and covered his mouth. “Just be in the GMC by eight-thirty! I don’t wanna leave you here!” He smiled awkwardly as he pulled the door to a close.

Forty-five minutes later, Jake threw his overnight bag into the GMC and climbed in. Not seeing Kaitlin, he called out her name. “Okay, if you wanna play that game…come out whenever you’re ready. I know you’ll use your dead old lady powers to listen in on my thoughts and I’ll surely hear a cackle of laughter pretty soon.” He started the vehicle and began backing out and then checked behind to make sure the escort was behind him as he pulled back onto the highway. “Okay, Kaitlin, I’m gonna turn on the country music radio if you’re not gonna talk this morning. I know last night was weird and I’m sorry. I’ll be more normal today. I promise!” He said as he smiled and reached up to the radio, expecting his passenger seat to again gain a passenger once the music started. But it didn’t.